Te Toca

I open my eyes only to become aware of another pair staring back at me. The eyes are deep and grey and match the brows that frame the eyes, the mustache that frames the thin mouth and the hair that frames the somber face. A familiar face, yet one I would swear I had never seen before. The familiarity brings me comfort along with confusion. I ask myself “Why is He here?” without ever asking who He is or where I am. I am alert and standing up but don’t know how I got here. The background beyond the man is vague yet unimportant and familiar all at once.
The man places something in my hand and says it is given to me to choose. This is how it is supposed to be and I will know upon whom I am to bestow it. I look down into my hand and comprehension sinks in. The short wooden rod in my hand was simple, but as I look upon it my mind is filled with its significance. How could they place this on me!? I don’t have the wisdom or the right. I don’t know if I have the heart.
I look up and the man is gone. I cannot tell him that I cannot do it. The rod is for me. I must guide it and have it touch someone chosen by powers with depths I do not understand. Some would call it a gift, some fate and others call it doom. What will it be for this someone? How will they view their own death? Why me? Death is such a serious thing. Who am I to choose who lives and who dies?
I begin my walk as my surroundings come into focus. I pass people on the streets. I walk along, looking at those I pass, seeing their lives more clearly than before and understanding the desires of their hearts.
Friends shout greetings as I approach and we share warm smiles and a camaraderie that extends beyond our awkward words. My heart skips a beat as I pray that I won’t be told that it is one of them upon whom the rod must fall. They have so much to live for. They are the kind of people that will go out and live their dreams and not let life pass them by.
I sigh with relief as I embrace the last of them and know that they have yet more lives to touch and many more adventures to enjoy.
A truck approaches me and I see a familiar face within. He pulls over and we share a few joking words. My eyes focus on other things while we talk- I see his family, I see how they need him and how they bring him joy. I apologize for my distant look and wave him on his way, glad to know that his family would keep him.
I see a grandmother playing ball with a young boy in the park. She is still needed. Not her.
The boy is safe as well. He has a few rough years, but he will grow and bring joy to those in his life.
I continue on in my own thoughts. Marvelling at the great potential I see in those I pass. Could I have helped them achieve it? Would I have lived differently if I could have looked at others like this all along?
I pass a park and I see older kids playing on the swings and around the playground that is almost too small for them. One of the young ladies runs up to me and gives me a hug. I smooth her brown hair down as she starts telling me about her day and the games they were playing. The smile across her face has always brought a smile to my face, however, today it takes effort. As I look into her face I see all the wonderful things that she could be. I also see that it is not to be. The rod is supposed to fall upon her.
How could this be!? So young and loving! Enjoying life, bringing smiles. There must be a way. I can’t do this.
The inside struggle is brief. I know I will pay the consequence for it when I see the Man again and have to return the rod. I make up my mind and know that she should live, maybe there is someone better.
I leave her quickly, hoping that I will not be forced to return. I make my way along the streets that I seem to know. I see faces I recognize and now know, more than I ever have before, about their dreams and the possibilities for their futures. They are all a blur to me. I keep walking. Not thinking about where I am going, I end up at a friend’s house. There is a party going on so I hide in the corner and just watch people until I know I can put it off no longer.
I go into an empty back room. As I turn from closing the door, the Man is there. The Man reaches out and I give him the rod. He looks down and shakes his head, telling me that I knew this is what had to happen. I know it and accept it and he disappears.
The sun is setting as I start walking down this grassy field. I had made the choice. I feel my heart beginning to slow. Each beat a little slower, each more precious.
Two women and a man circle around me as I lose strength to stand. I am getting tired. They keep thinking that if only this and if only that had happened, I would live. They are sad and don’t want me to leave them.
I lay there, reassuring them that this is how it is supposed to be. I am at peace. Death is not scary, it is not doom, it is just another step in the adventure. I have lived my life, so I smile. I feel comfort as my heart slows.
I feel the love of those around me and wish I could let them know that things are okay. How can I let them know? My heart finishes its last rhythm and I close my eyes. The sunset creates a beautiful array of colors that I pray brings comfort to those that I love.